It's 4pm on a Friday...and I make the dreaded announcement “k, it’s time to go”.
And they groan, loudly.
And make the “I don’t really want to” face.
I also groan and have the same face.
My adult version of their reaction.
For it’s 4pm on a Friday, and they are headed to their dad’s house...and it‘s his week.
The boo’s of shared custody.
It’s no secret they prefer momma’s house.
Not just because I am a really involved and active mama, very interested in them as individuals and we have a great time together...but there’s a massive lifestyle difference between their dad and I.
So, my kids live very different lives week to week.
Without going into particulars, I’ll just say one seems to be a normal ‘we realize we live in a technological age, conducive to the kids modern and cultural interests (video games, movies, fantasy, trendy dance moves + music) with a learning about our world approach and many opportunities for discussion and critical thinking’.
The other one seems to be the pilot episode for “Canada’s Next Top Cult Member”.
And the kids take it week by week.
At first, I found the weekly change too disruptive and I was taking it personally. Meaning, as a single boss mama, I already struggle with feeling balanced as to where I put my effort and time throughout the day and week. When I’m working hard on my business, I feel like a totally shitty mom. When I am playing Barbies with my daughter and not working on my social media calendar, I feel I’m not quite putting out enough for the business.
But then I had one of those aha moments.
I realized this setup totally helps to create in them an even broader learning experience, because the week to week contrast is so big. They go faster in discovering what they like and don't like, what they believe the world is about, what they agree with. These kids are getting a real hands on experience in creating their own paths.
But you know what I also realize?
This situation also creates resiliency in me.
In all of us single mamas who share custody.
Each week, I’ve gotta adapt to a different lifestyle for myself.
One week I am in momma mode - doing laundry, schoolwork, wiping tears away and baking cookies. Next week, I’ve got the hair bun high on the head, the get shit done face on and I am all business.
When they return, I’ve gotta reassess how they are doing.
When they leave, I’ve gotta reassess how my business is doing.
When they return, I’ve gotta objectively do any damage control or repair, without necessarily going full-out ballistic on their father. (Or not entirely, lol)
When they leave, I’ve gotta objectively fix any weak spots in my business, without taking it personally and seeing myself as a failure.
This tennis match - and I’m not a big fan of tennis, tbh - this constant back and forth is a fucking weekly lesson on adjusting, checking in, pivoting. A constant reminder on my role and purpose for that moment. A reminder to live intentionally in the moment.
Even though I don’t think my marrying that man was my brightest moment, I’d do it again if it meant I would have those three as my kids. Think that‘s obvious. And my kids and me, we are getting that strength and resiliency built into our lives and in my business.
But one important thing that needs to be said is this: It is what it is.
Meaning, no narcissistic credit is being given to my ex husband for all our “growth”, but I also (try to) choose to stay away from any negative energy or thoughts. Like, I don’t sit around necessarily thinking or wishing I never married him. I don’t stay in that place.
Again, it is what it is. And we get stronger. And we move on.
I want to make two points very clear.
The first, especially to the single mompreneurs.
You are one of the strongest people anyone in this world knows.
When you are building both a business and raising your family, putting in 100% for both things, lighting it up at both ends....mama, you’re a badass, right at the start. The very fact that you are doing both - that there wasn’t any (or much...) hesitation to just go for it and start your own business is KEY, girl.
Even if you have a daily wtf am I doing, you are here.
And it takes a special cut of badass to do this.
The second is this.
Mama, our circumstances - which I know at 2am seems fucking impossible - are the very things from which we can draw strength, and gather further ammo for whatever comes our way.
So take each situation — whether good or bad as just more fuel for that entrepreneurial fire you’ve got. And use it.
Go on, work it girl.
I’m rooting for you.